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As I sat down to write this post, my first instinct was to start with the phrase, This year has gotten off to a rocky start. But I stopped.

Over the past two months, I have been working hard on peace. It was my PUSH Goal for the first 30 days of 2022. I wrote it over and over again in my journal, cultivate more peace. I was ready. Or I guess I thought I was ready.

The first several weeks proved harder than I expected. I tested positive for Covid, and from there I was quickly swept up in everything but peace. I could go into all the unpleasant experiences that followed, but that is not peace. I could rehash what I learned from these experiences, but that is not really peace either. Instead, I want to talk about what I have been thinking about – and my journey towards (still going) regaining momentum.

No one is free from suffering. Even with the best laid plans. Anger, grief, fear, sadness – we all experience these emotions. And our tendency, as humans, is to resist at all costs. Sometimes this is necessary. Sometimes we need to grieve. Sometimes we need to get angry. Sometimes we need to vent. But staying in that head space can’t be our only strategy, because then our thoughts hold all the power.

Both good and bad emotions tend to follow the same pattern. They arise, they usually intensify and then they pass. We have a choice; suppression or surrender. With suppression, the mind is in control. It has time to wrap itself around any number of narratives. Usually ones that aren’t true. But when we choose to surrender, we make more space around the emotion. We can approach it in a softer way, with less judgement. We can let go.

I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about this idea. How can I continue to cultivate peace during difficult times? How can I practice a softer awareness when I am really frustrated? First, acceptance. Accepting that I can’t hold it all together all the time. Second, expansion. I am more than my emotions. When I surrender I can see more.

So, where does this path lead? I am not sure. I have spent a good deal of my life working on awareness in the body, through Pilates and Yoga. However, even with this deep connection I have found that I need to remind myself to use it. Just as I do for my friends and clients, I need to also hold this space for myself.

This sense of grounding back into my body feels really good. It feels like a side door has opened and I am making my way back home.

The pictures in this post are a look into this practice of deeper awareness. More care for my “home.” Over the past few weeks I dug out all my yoga props. I washed all of my yoga blankets and bolster covers. I placed a set in my living room and also my workout space. I also located my foam roller, which I haven’t used in months. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. Below is the shoulder care routine I have been practicing with the foam roller. Many of us hold lots of tension in our shoulders and this is a great sequence. Here are some of the props in my arsenal: